We need to set some things straight right now, Mister.
Now, there are some very good things that you do, in fact a lot of the time you behave relatively well. You don't rush through doors, or bark in stores anymore, and you can settle very well under the table at restaurants now. When you want to, you perform all of your commands fantastically, and you don't try to eat the rabbit poo anymore (YUCK!). You don't even destroy your toys in typical Retriever fashion.
But there are a few things that we need to talk about. I am not enjoying your puppy brain lately. You're not necessarily bad or not listening, but you walk around as if you're aloof of me and all around us; like your brain is in a fog. That doesn't work so well when we are walking around lots of people, and you go one way, and I another.
Next up is that you are sassy. Oh, so, so sassy. This cannot go on any longer. I do not like the way that you put your paws on my knee like you're hitting me when you don't want to listen. And I most certainly will not condone you rolling around on your back throwing temper tantrums.
Please stop rubbing your Gentle Leader. You stopped a long time ago, and now are picking it up again?!?!?
Stop stealing socks.
And last but certainly not least, I would like to know at least 24 hours in advance when you decide that you don't want to listen ALL day long, so that I may plan my schedule accordingly.
One last question: could you please speed up this phase of your puppy-hood?
I still love you,